My Only Desire Read online

  However, Taariq glanced over at her. The heat started up again and her stomach looped into knots as if she was about to bungee jump off the side of Stone Mountain. What the hell was going on with her?

  “I’m glad to see that you’re having such a good time,” Stanley said, handing her another rum and coke.

  “Uh? What?” Anna forced her eyes to swing back toward Stanley. Guilt inched up her spine. It’s time, she told herself. She couldn’t continue to give the man false hope. Shakily, she drew in a deep breath. “Stanley, we need to talk.”

  Instantly, his smile melted. “Uh, oh. That’s not a good sign.”

  “Well, I just think that we need to get a few things cleared up…about you and me.”

  “Definitely not a good sign.” He reached for his own beer and took a quick swig. “Let me guess. You don’t like me.”

  “No.”

  Stanley’s shoulders slumped. “Damn. Really?”

  “I mean I like you,” she rushed to get her foot out of her mouth. “I just don’t like you in the way that you want me to.” She winced and held her breath, hoping that she didn’t completely destroy Stanley’s fragile ego. “I mean…I look at you like a brother.”

  “Oh.” He dropped his gaze and stared at his bottle of beer. “A brother. Great.”

  “I’m so sorry, Stanley.” Anna placed her hand on his shoulder. “You’re a nice guy.”

  “Oh, God. Not the nice guy routine,” he moaned. “That’s starting to be the story of my life.”

  She cupped the bottom of his chin and tilted it up. “There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy. We just don’t have that kind of connection. You know what I mean?”

  “You mean like the connection you feel toward Charlie?” He lifted his head and trapped her with his vibrant blue gaze. “What?”

  Stanley shrugged. “I’m not stupid…and I’m damn sure not blind. I’ve seen how you look at him. All googly-eyed and everything.” He shrugged. “I mean a lot of girls like Charlie…and Derrick…and Hylan…and Taariq. Hell. I’m the odd man out.”

  “Stanley—”

  “No. No. It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

  Now she felt like crap. “I’m sorry. But I really feel that there’s a girl out there that’s going to be perfect for you,” Anna comforted even as a horrible thought occurred to her. Oh, God, if Stanley knows…

  “Don’t worry. I don’t think Charlie has a clue,” Stanley said as if he’d just heard her private thoughts. “He’s my dog and everything. But like I said, he’s used to women looking at him googly-eyed.”

  That wasn’t comforting. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I hope that we can still be friends?”

  Stanley attempted to smile, but it failed miserably.

  She felt the need to say something else. But the right words failed her and she was left to just awkwardly watch him drain the rest of his beer.

  “Well. Enjoy the rest of the party,” Stanley said, avoiding her gaze and then peeling away from her so fast that she didn’t have time to stop him.

  “Great. Way to go, Anna,” she mumbled under her breath, convinced that Stanley was going to hate her forever. She tossed back her second drink and then reminded herself that she had a low tolerance level.

  Notorious B.I.G.’s “One More Chance” started thumping from the speakers and everyone threw their hands up and started rocking to the smooth beats. Anna scanned the crowd again, searching for Charlie.

  “Now where did he go?” A part of her was aware that she was behaving like the same love-struck puppy Stanley looked like just a few minutes ago, but she couldn’t help it. She pushed her way through the crowd that seemed to be growing at a rapid rate. For twenty minutes she combed the house before deciding to give up. The problem now was that she needed to find Roxanne so that they could split. However, the idea of shuffling back through the crowd wasn’t appealing—not to mention, she was starting to feel the effects of her two drinks.

  Drawing a deep breath, she turned so she could start back through the crowd and accidently stepped on someone’s foot. “Oops. Sorry.”

  Taariq turned his wounded expression toward her. “Damn, baby. Watch where you’re wielding those shoes.” He softened his rebuke with a smile. “So where are you running off to so fast? This isn’t the Dixie Speedway, you know.”

  Anna blinked up at him. Damn. He was even better looking up close. She stepped back, hoping the space would help her pull herself together. It didn’t.

  “Let me guess, you’re looking for your boy, Stanley?”

  “Stanley?” She blinked. “No. Um, Stanley is just a good friend.”

  Taariq’s handsomely groomed brows sprung up in surprise. “Oh. Is that right?” He stretched an arm up and propped it against the wall behind her, effectively forming a human alcove. It was definitely better executed than when Stanley had tried it. “Sooo. Does that mean that you don’t have a man?”

  Her face warmed. “No. Um, not at the moment.”

  Taariq moved closer. “Do you want one?”

  Damn. He doesn’t waste any time. His directness overwhelmed her. “Actually, I just need to find my roommate Roxanne and head out,” she said, escaping while she could still think clearly.

  Taariq’s full lips kicked up into a wicked smile. “Sorry, l’il Ma. I didn’t know you scared so easily.”

  “What? I’m not scared,” she bluffed.

  “No?” His brows arched while his eyes roamed over her again. It was so intense that Anna swore it was a physical caress.

  “If you’re not scared, why are you running away? I don’t bite…unless you ask me to.”

  Anna swallowed while her nipples hardened inside her lace bra. As luck would have it, that was the exact moment when his gaze lowered.

  “Since I know it’s not cold in here that must mean that you’re excited to be near me.”

  Anna’s entire body blazed with embarrassment. “Wow. What a big ego you have.”

  “Everything is big on me, baby.” He inched closer and glided his finger up the side of her right arm.

  Anna gasped at the way her entire arm tingled. The playful glint in Taariq’s eyes morphed into something dangerously predatory within a blink. No doubt that if she stood there much longer, he was going to have her legs up around his waist—the crowded party be damned.

  She removed his finger from her arm. “Let’s get one thing straight—I’m not your baby.”

  “You could be. The night is still young.”

  Anna rolled her eyes. “I gotta go.” She attempted to step around him only for him to grab her wrist and pull her back.

  “All right. All right. My bad. I’m sorry. Can we start again?”

  She pulled in a deep breath while she actually thought about it. “I…I’ve got a test…tomorrow,” she lied.

  Taariq stretched up a dubious brow. “On a Saturday?”

  “It’s a make-up test,” she covered. One look in his eyes and she knew that he wasn’t buying it.

  Instead of calling her on it, he just hitched up his shoulders and widened his smile. “A rain check then?”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Don’t hold your breath.

  “All right. I don’t need a brick building to fall on my head. You’re not interested. I get it.” He tried to shrug off the rejection, but she could tell that it was something that he wasn’t used to. Then, he dipped his brows together as if suddenly a thought occurred to him. “You’re not…?”

  “What?”

  “You know.” Taariq winked as if he’d worked out a missing piece of the puzzle before leaning in close so that his minty breath would warm the side of her face. “You don’t bat for the other side, do you?”

  Anna’s mouth fell open. “What?”

  “I mean—I know that sort of thing gets explored with you ladies when you’re away at college.”

  She was dumbfounded. “No. I’m not gay.”

  The mischievousness returned to his chocolaty gaze. “Good. Then I still have a chance.
”

  Not in this lifetime. Anna, now completely turned off, pushed past him and then shoved her way back through the dancing crowd. She spotted one of the girls that lived two dorms down from hers and headed in that direction. “Hey, have you seen Roxanne anywhere?”

  Jade turned, sloshing whatever she had in her plastic cup onto the floor. “What?”

  “Roxanne. Have you seen her?”

  “Silly, my name isn’t Roxanne. It’s Jade.” She giggled in a drunken stupor. “Roxanne went upstairs a few minutes ago. Don’t you even know your own roommate?”

  “No, I meant…” Anna waved her comment away. “Oh, never mind.” She turned and once again pushed her way through the crowd. Mercifully, she made her way upstairs but was then forced to try to figure out where to search next with there being so many rooms.

  That is until she heard Charlie’s familiar laugh followed by Roxanne’s annoying giggly snort coming from a room directly to her right. From that moment on, she operated more on instinct than actual thought. She moved toward the closed door with her outstretched hand and her heart already breaking. By the time she opened the door and saw Charlie and Roxanne, tearing at each other’s clothes, her weak heart had already shattered into a million pieces.

  Chapter 2

  Big, fat alligator tears swelled in Anna’s eyes as she watched Charlie and Roxanne laugh and giggle while they playfully tore at each other’s clothes. She didn’t understand why they didn’t spring apart after having been caught in the middle of the act. But then she realized that her loud screaming was just happening inside her head and they didn’t know she stood there like a dummy watching them. When Roxanne pulled Charlie’s open mouth toward her exposed breasts, Anna finally uprooted her legs and backed away.

  From there, she was vaguely aware of rushing back down the stairs and plowing through the crowd. A shove here, an elbow there, she didn’t care who got hurt as long as they got out of her way. But after five minutes, the door seemed to be getting farther away, not closer.

  Anna swiped at a few tears only to discover that her entire face was soaking wet. Just great. She was a weeping mess in front of the who’s who of Morehouse and Spelman College.

  Just hurry up and get out of here!

  Anna moved so fast that she clipped someone’s leg and was sent sprawling toward the floor. She thrust out her hands, hoping to break her fall, but was surprised when a strong arm wrapped around her waist and jerked her back up as if she was tethered to the end of a bungee cord.

  “Whoa there.” Taariq laughed, setting her back on her feet. “You know I’m beginning to think that walking isn’t your strong suit.” He chuckled once, but then the humor melted from his face when he took in her expression. “Hey. What’s wrong?” He swiped at one of her tears.

  “Nothing,” Anna lied, and then tried to shove her way out of his arms.

  Problem was that he just tightened them and held her in place. “Look. I might be many things, but blind is definitely not one of them. Tell me what’s wrong. Did something happen upstairs? Did someone do something to you?”

  “I said it’s nothing.” She shoved again and he reluctantly let her go. It was a good thing, too, because she nearly choked on the sob that was lodged in her throat. Anna could feel hysteria creeping up on her, but she told herself that if she could just get outside for some fresh air that she’d feel better.

  Shove. Push. Shove. Push.

  The door still seemed so far away. Stay calm. Keep it together.

  Shove. Push. Shove. Push.

  Another sob bubbled up. Finally she stormed out of the house and sucked in a healthy dose of the night’s crisp, fresh air. The wind blew across her wet face and cooled her down a couple of degrees. She exhaled and from the corner of her eyes, she caught a few curious stares. Pull yourself together. Anna mopped her face dry and then started down the front stairs.

  “Yo, Anna. Where are you going?”

  Anna glanced up and saw a small ring of girlfriends jog up the stairs.

  “Don’t tell me that the party is whack,” Emmadonna said, settling a hand on her thick hips. “You know how long it took me to get ready for this mess?”

  “Three hours,” Ivy chirped, irritated. “Not to mention you used up all my hair gel—again.”

  Emmadonna’s neck swiveled. “Damn. I said I’d buy you another jar. You’re the one who wanted me to come to this party and you know I couldn’t come without getting my finger-wave in tight. Shoot.” She patted her rock-hard hair. “I came to get a man tonight.”

  As usual Emmadonna’s sister-girl act put an immediate smile on Anna’s face.

  “You’re always looking for a man,” Anna reminded her.

  “You can’t find what you don’t look for. Ain’t that right, Ivy?”

  “Whatever.” Anna shrugged her shoulders.

  Emmadonna swiveled her neck and jabbed her other hand onto her hip. “Soooo…did you do it—or did you chicken out? Don’t tell me that you chickened out with Charlie tonight.”

  Anna’s jaw clenched.

  “You did, didn’t you?” Emmadonna rolled her eyes. “Girl, what am I going to do with you? How are you going to get out of this friend zone if you don’t tell Charlie that you’re feeling him?”

  “Look, Em—”

  “No. You look.” Emmadonna swung her heavy arm around Anna’s shoulders and started to lead her back toward the frat house. “That boy is waaay too fine to just keep on your friend list. I know you’re feeling him and I seen him look at you.”

  “He looks at everything with two legs and two breasts,” Anna muttered dejectedly.

  “Well, there you go! You’re his type.” Emmadonna laughed. “Now get your butt on in here and—”

  Anna dug in her heels and shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I was leaving.”

  “Leaving?”

  “It’s just ten-thirty.”

  “I know. I just…have a lot I…um—”

  Emmadonna wasn’t trying to hear it. “Girl, if you don’t get your butt in here…”

  Anna wrenched herself from Emmadonna’s hold. “No. I said I’m going home.”

  Emmadonna gave chase, surprising Anna with her speed and agility when she snatched her by her arm at the bottom of the stairs. “Whoa. What the hell? What happened in there?”

  “Nothing,” Anna lied. Unfortunately, Emmadonna wasn’t buying it.

  “Something gotta be wrong with you running out of here with your tail tucked in between your legs. Now spit it out.”

  More partiers arrived and tried to squeeze their way past the girls. Impatient, Emmadonna tightened her hold on Anna’s wrist and then tugged her off to the side. “C’mon, now. We’ve been best friends for forever. I know you better than you know yourself. What happened?”

  At that moment the dam broke. Tears tripped over Anna’s lashes and then streaked down her face at a pace that startled her friends.

  “Oh, my God. He turned you down,” Emmadonna concluded and then pulled Anna into her strong arms for a smothering hug. “I’m so sorry.”

  Anna’s eyes bugged as she struggled to get air into her lungs. When it was clear that was nearing on being impossible, she started whacking her friend on the back in hopes that Emmadonna would catch a clue and release her. She did. Just a mere second before Anna blacked out. Coughing and sucking in air, Anna managed to shake her head.

  “Are you going to be all right?” Emmadonna asked, referring to Anna’s broken heart and not her possible broken ribs.

  “I’ll live,” she said with mild conviction. “I just want to go.”

  “What did he say?” Emmadonna insisted. She always went in for the juice. “Do we need to roll up in here and curse his butt out? ’Cause you know I will.”

  Emmadonna lived to curse people out. Drama was her middle name. “No.”

  “Humph! I’ll be right back.” Emmadonna turned.

  Anna knew that her protest had been overwritten and that she’d have to confes
s more than she wanted to in order to stop her well-intentioned friend from getting rowdy. “Charlie didn’t say anything.”

  Now Ivy peered over Emmadonna’s shoulder to stare Anna down. “So what happened?”

  Anna mopped her face again and wished that the earth would just open and swallow her whole. “He didn’t say anything because I didn’t tell him. Okay? Now can we just drop it?”

  “You punked out?” Ivy asked, frowning. “Damn. Do you need me and Emmadonna here to go in and pass him a note to ask if he likes you? He can check box yes or no.”

  Anna huffed in frustration. “Why can’t you just leave it alone?”

  Emmadonna cocked her head as she read Anna’s face easily. “There’s another woman.”

  Jackpot. The two women’s gazes clicked as the friends finally read the truth in her face. Frankly, none of them should’ve been surprised. Charlie was a ladies’ man. He’d never hid or denied that. She should have just left well enough alone. They were just friends—so why did she feel so used?

  “So, who is the bitch?” Emmadonna challenged as she started to remove her earrings. “Did anybody bring a jar of Vaseline?”

  Ivy dug into her purse. “I think I have a small jar.”

  “It’s Roxanne.”

  They froze.

  “Roxanne…as in your roommate? That Roxanne?” Emmadonna checked.

  Anna nodded. “So? Do I have your permission to leave now?” She was on the verge of having another tidal wave of tears hit her and she would rather it happen when she was alone. “And since Roxanne was my ride—any chance one of you mind driving?”

  “You’re not going anywhere,” Ivy announced, hip-bumping Emmadonna’s plus-size frame out of the way and swinging an arm around Anna’s shoulders. “Screw Charlie…and the horse he rode in on.”

  “Yeah,” Emmadonna cosigned, tossing Ivy’s jar of Vaseline back into her purse.

  “I never liked that weave-o-rific heifer anyway.”

  A small smile returned to Anna’s lips. It was funny to see soft-spoken Ivy get a little feisty on her behalf. “Don’t get mad at Roxanne. She doesn’t know that I like…liked Charlie in that way.”